(Or, as we discussed in Torts, is it really just bringing out a condition that would have eventually appeared anyway? Probably no matter since I signed up and paid the tuition, something tells me there will be no recovery on my part anyway.)
First, I will say, yes, I’ve been away for a while….sick kids, lots of school work to do, still am not where I’d like to be, but my head is above water, barely.
So, it feels like I have these three different lives, and sometimes I am able to happily function in all three independently. That’s when life is easiest. Other times, they insist on trying to co-mingle, and that’s when it gets tricky. I’ve got my work and school personality. Confident, easy-going, low-stress, do what I need to do and move on. Personal life – more stressful since there is not enough time for my partner and kids, they don’t get what I do in school or what it’s like (they could say the same about me, but this is my blog, so I get to say it), lots of rushing around, too much yelling, some very sweet times and laughter. Fantasy life – that’s where I can go in my head where everything works according to my own script. I have all the time to do anything and everything I want to do. Money is not an issue. There are other elements to this I’ll just leave to the reader’s imagination, rather, MINE :).
Lately, I’d say the schizophrenia is being mainly caused by trying to maintain my personal life and my school life at the same time. The two are NOT playing nicely together. School me wants to learn all the stuff I need to learn, do all my homework, work on my outlines and read some supplemental materials so that I can make sense of Torts, where the professor seems to have stopped speaking English. Personal me needs to be with my kids who are missing me terribly and spend some time with and give a break to my partner, who is rapidly losing her mind due to being on-duty day and night with the little ones. (Try having your main source of conversation and daily interaction being a not-quite-four-year-old. Our son is very intelligent, but as I have to remember, preschool logic is not that of an adult, or even a 7-year-old. For instance, if a person was trying to pour water, or juice, from one container into another, and the receiving container started overflowing before the providing container was empty, one might expect that the pouring should stop. Not if you are a preschooler, evidently. Preschool logic dictates that pouring should not stop until the providing container has been emptied of its contents. OK, then.)