Why didn’t I listen to my mother?
She told me when I was 18 that I should be a lawyer. I laughed and said something flip about not wanting to spend my life defending criminals. Too bad my viewpoint was so narrow then. If I had gone to law school when I was just out of college, I wouldn’t be dealing with nearly the challenges I have now. Plus, maybe Mom would have been paying my way!
Now, it’s 21 years later, I have a partner, 2 small children and a full time job. Four nights a week I only see my son for about an hour of the day, very late at night. I see my partner only slightly more than that, after the boy is asleep. I generally don’t see my daughter awake at all those four nights. Two other days a week, I do homework until about 3:30, and then the evening is devoted to family time. The family misses me. My partner is going crazy being on duty all day and into the night. I miss them, too, and sometimes it’s hard, keeping up the energy, doing the commute, handling the homework, doing the work and most of it on not enough sleep. Still, as my partner points out, it was my choice and I am doing something I want to be doing. It was not her choice to become a single mom four nights a week and have her weekend cut down to one day.
From within me, I know I can handle this all and feel that I am doing the right thing. Overall I am happy with my life and with my decision to go to law school. Sure, there will be hard times, but life is full of challenges. When I broaden my perspective though, I get into those incredibly dangerous “shoulds”. Should I be doing this to my family? I am missing out on so much of my kids’ lives, not being the supportive partner my partner expected, and just generally am not there. The “for the greater good” argument is that someday this will all be worth it. By the time my kids are really involved in school activities or sports, I will be able to be around. In theory, I will be making more money to support my family (that is, as long as the job pays enough – I’ll have those damn student loans to pay back). I’ll be a shining example to my kids that we are all lifelong learners. I’ll hopefully be doing good work in the world. I’ll hopefully be happy in my career. Also, I will have gone to law school. Let’s face it, there is something intrinsically cool about that. Granted, the coolness does not outweigh the $130K of student loans, but it is a nice perk :)Should I be doing this?
Please God (Goddess, Higher Power), let this all be worth it.
Insider advice and insights to help you decide if you should pursue a higher degree while raising children, and tips for being successful if you're already on that path, from a woman who graduated from law school in her early 40's while working full-time and helping raise two young children. While most of the blog posts were originally written several years ago, they have recently been sorted for the most relevant materials, and new content is being added.